Joey's Thoughts

Joe Gozengoze Conclusion

Honestly Steve, some of your best work… The apartment pictures are still my favorite though!

Happy Birthday Ryan!

Dear Ryan,

Your the Beast.

Sincerely,

Joe

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WATCH IT AGAIN!

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per⋅spec⋅tive /pərˈspɛktɪv/ ::
The faculty of seeing all the relevant data in a meaningful relationship

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The Pizza tour of KC concluded last week.
Here are my rankings (10 being the best):

8 – Pappa Kenos (LOVE IT!)
8 – D’ Bronx
7 – Record Bar
7 – Stonewall Inn
6 – Johnny C’s
5 – Spin!
5 – Waldo
4 – Minsky’s
3 – Rosati’s

We are starting a ‘best of’ tour next where everyone at the office submits their favorite place from the three tours and we hit one a week.

Here is what I submitted:
1- Flea Market
2- Johnny’s
3- Pappa Keno’s
4- OK Joe’s

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What music did Joe listen to at work yesterday?

Fleet Foxes – Fleet Foxes
Frank Turner – Love Ire & Song
Bruce Hornsby – Spirit Trail
Jack Johnson – Sing-a-Long Songs
Radiohead – Hail To The Thief
Bob Dylan – Modern Times
LUNCH
The Avett Brothers – Emotionalism
Maria Mena – Cause
MGMT – Oracular Spectacular
Juno – Soundtrack
The National – Boxer

I think that I will listen to Vampire Weekend after lunch. That is one of my favorite Friday albums!

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“Joe Gozengoze”
I more day to the conclusion!

McNuggets! (oh boy)

So this might be the most embarassing thing that I have ever done and I would like to preface it my saying that I have never done anything like this before and i will never do something like it again (probably) (and I went to the hotel gym and ran for am hour the next day!).

On the way to the peak, Jam, Mist, Sam, Cap, Mira and I are piled into the Battlecar (yes it was that big). As we are cruising down the road we cross a McDonalds that has a sign out front that says “50 piece McNuggets $9.99″… I am not sure EXACTLY how it happened, but the conversation went something like this:

Jam: HOLY SHIT 50 Nuggs!

Mist: Who could eat that?

Me: I used to eat a 20 piece, large fried and a large soda when I was in college and playing baseball. I used to be able to eat a shit-ton.

Sam: I used to eat 5 whoppers in high school after work ((at least that is what I think he said))

Me: I think I could put a dent in 50

Jam: If you eat 50 nuggs I will pay for them!

Me: I just ate a HUGE burger for lunch! I am not hungry!

Jam: (pause) 50 nuggs… 45 minutes.

Everyone in the car including Mira: YEAH!!!!

Jam: After the peak we are all going to need a little snack. We can drop by the McD’s and see how you feel.

Me: If I get some time to digest first, don’t eat anything and drink water with them I think I have a shot!

All Intelligence In My Head: Your on your own!

… From that moment on my life changed forever. I am not the same man I used to be. What happened next will haunt me till the end of time… After the peak we all pile into the car. I could feel the anticipation of what was about to happen. I felt nervous, like a boxer about to enter the ring.

We pulled through the drive through window. Grabbed the nuggets. The bag was heavy and big. Five 10 piece nuggs and 10 packets of BBQ sauce… I was ready for the biggest challenge of my life. On the way from the car to the hotel room the bag started to rip due to the weight of the nuggets. This was going to be tough.

Once in the room I stacked the boxes of nuggets into a pyramid shape and lined up the sauce. We set the stopwatch on the iPhone to 45 minutes… I WAS OFF! I popped 2 nuggets right away. Cap kept a tally of each one I ate. The plan: Eat like hell for the first 10 minutes and then try to eat one a minute after that. I did well…

Pounding nuggets and glasses of water, I was half-way to the promised land at the 10 minute mark. I was not slowing down and I felt like it might be possible. I could feel everyone in the room EXPECT me to finish easily. They started saying things like “we should have made the bet 30 minutes” and “he is DESTROYING THEM!” … “TYhe last ten are goinh to be hell,” I responded… I have to admit, even I was thinking that it was possible though.

Ten minutes later I was 10 nuggets away from eternal glory… 5 minutes later I swallowed two more… I WAS HURTING REALLY BAD! Hahaha… I have never been that full in my life. I started to sweat. I was pale. I had not eaten like that in years. I had never eaten that fast! … I had to take a break… I tried jumping up and down, pacing, and rubbing my stomach to try and loosen up some room. I tried laying down.. NOTHING WORKED.

I had one last short offensive. I had to give it everything I had… I popped one last nugget into my mouth (#43). As I started to chew it I knew that it would not go down… Honestly, I popped that last one for my fans. I did it for you Sam. I did it for you Mist. I did it for you Cap. I did it for you Jam. I did it for all the children that get told their dreams can’t come true … But I was done. I could not swallow……… I failed.

After spitting that last nugg into the garbage, Jam wanted to see if McNuggets float… They do. They also go straight down when they are flushed.

I had to lay down. I don’t remember feeling that stuffed in my entire life… It hurt to laugh, but the situation was so funny that I could not help it! … The crowd left the room… I got sick… I took a nap… Didn’t eat again till breakfast the next morning.

One of the funniest things was trying to hide it from the other people at the rehearsal party that we attended that evening. I did not want to be known as ‘nugget guy”. TRUTHFULLY, there were some pretty girls at the party that I did not want to explain this to and have THAT be their first impression of me (maybe second after the Seth Rogen thing).

Final results: 43 nuggets in about 36 minutes (Is that right Sam?)

Question -
What is more embarrassing:
- Not finishing the half-century McNugget challenge?
- Finishing the half-century McNugget challenge?
- Attempting it at all?

Here are a few pix from the event. (look at how freaking pale I am!!!)

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Here is a t-shirt design I did for a freelance job… Pretty cool that my name is Joe and the name of the business is Crazy Joes.

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At the top of 10,378 foot Sandia Peak we decided to give Sammy a little fitness test. He passed of course… I did the same thing and was sucking the thin air for 5 minutes.

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“Joe Gozengoze”
What will happen to Joe next! Only two days left till the STUNNING conclusion!

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Tee-Ball practice #2 tonight… We had our first off the field injury. One of the girls broke her arm and is off the team. I guess everyone will move up the depth chart.

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This might be the best blog week ever… Just sayin’

Story time!

DAMN that wedding was great! Let’s knock out a few stories:

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The hotel that we stayed at, The Holiday Inn Express had the most comfortable bed with four pillows of different firmness. Honestly, it was the most comfortable bed I have slept in for quite some time and much more comfortable than my bed… The room was dark, cold and comfortable. The perfect storm for afternoon naps. Anytime Cap and I had more than 10 minutes in the room we would lay on our (SEPARATE) beds pull a blanket on top and snooze. We must have taken 12 naps a day… This was great because we did not sleep very much at night!

I now know what it is like to by elderly.

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Southwest is my favorite airline. Mostly because I am cheap (I only say ‘mostly’ for my own ego. I AM cheap)… ANYWAY, the delays on the flights to and from were RIDICULOUS! I think that I spent 4 hours just sitting on the tarmac during the three flights that I was on. I have not flown in a long time so I am not sure if it is always like that, but I was really not impressed… I am not boycotting them, but I am disappointed.

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At the reception there was this awesome little guy named Collin that could dance his ass off … Ryan taught him “The Sprinkler” (no sprinkler comments Sam).

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We met Demi Moore’s Native American “first cousin” at the casino on Friday night… Ummmm… I am not sure if she was telling the truth.

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New Mexican people put green chili on EVERYTHING! … It seems to be more important to them than air. People looked at me like I had a horn sticking out of my head when I refused it. I am sure that the waitress went home that night, kicked off her shoes and said, “you’ll never believe what I saw today…”

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On Monday morning Cap and I hung out with our new friend Casey (who was nice enough to drive us to the airport). We had brunch, hit a record store, had a soda and at one point we all needed to use the bathroom. We go to the mall… Cap and I walk in, do our business and as we are washing our hands this old dude walks in wearing sweatpants, a fanny pack and a funny looking baseball cap.

He starts doing his business (standing up)… I am mid sentence talking to Cap when the LOUDEST, LONGEST fart I have ever heard in my life erupts from his ass… Cap and I look at each other, run out of the bathroom and double-over laughing our asses off! Hahahaha… Holy crap! I am STILL laughing! … Green Chilli!!!!

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The McNuggets story will come (with pictures) soon. I am not sure that I have the humility to tell it, but I think you all should know.

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A while back I posted a little drawing that Steve did in my sketchbook of me ’squeezing into a narrow notch in the wall’ … Thankfully, we can now see what happens to me after I make it through that narrow notch! Keep checking back for the next few days and see the action!

If I had a nickle every time I walked into a tar-floored room

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Tee-Ball practice tomorrow night, then the games start! I am thinking that I will go out and buy a pink shirt so that I can fit in with the team … Jeff, you are getting one too!

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I have been semi-obsessed with the band “The National” lately. My favorite song on the album is called ‘Slow Show’… It is kind of romantic (at least the parts that I like):

“I wanna hurry home to you
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god Im very, very frightening
Ill overdo it

You know I dreamed about you
for twenty-nine years before I saw you
You know I dreamed about you
I missed you for
for twenty-nine years “

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Comment from Sam

“Battlecar sustained battle damage! We got rear ended in Santa Fe by an SUV… But fear not, the Battlecar withstood the barrage quite nicely. some scraped up paint and a little paint from the other car. No buckling at all. Damn Cylon drivers.

The stories from the NEW New Mexico trip are quite outstanding. I miss green chili and Xpreckfast, how will I eat without them?!?!”

New Mexico:
Mexico, but newer.

Albuquerque! … Tim’s wedding was pretty AWESOME! Honestly, the stories are endless… Here are some pictures to get you started!

This is Jam scared on the ride up the tram!

I love you ‘Cinnistump’

‘Battlecar Galactica’

Walking through the airport, minding my own business…
AHHHHHH!!! Bird-man with a cape!!!

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Wedding stories to tell:
- McNuggets
- Southwest delays
- ‘The fart’
- Indians in the casino
- Collin!
- Cap and the never-ending nap
- Green chilli?
- Washers: The Game
- ‘Your the Beast’ … ‘Life Partners’
- Cute wedding umbrellas!
- Thin air!
- The worst band in the world

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Steve has sent me a pretty great series of comics that I will post this week too!

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3 minutes of Photoshop.

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Last Friday (the 22nd) was Wendy’s Birthday! She is just as pretty as the day I picked her up!