So I have felt really down the last week or so… Not depressed or pissed off… Just a little down. One thing that I know about myself is that when I start to feel down, my mind turns relentlessly to the past. I start to reminisce about my childhood, my family and Salina… I guess that I use this as a devise to re-center myself on this planet. When I remember where I came from, I can see how far I have come, and I then feel that I can start to know where to go (this may seem obvious to you… I am a slow learner).
Anyway, I think that I am starting to come out of my slump… I have had an epiphany… Eureka!!!
Here we go… When I was in middle school I “went with” (dated) a girl named Haley Stein. She was pretty, nice, tall and from the outside view, a perfect match for me. Everything in my 13 year old brain said that this is the right girl. “Everyone really likes her,” I would think to myself as I would stroll towards her locker, “she’s cool”… We even went to the movies one time and I held her hand (no kissing though).
In the course of the one week relationship, I went from being excited at the prospect of being with such a “nice” girl, to resenting myself for not being satisfied with this “nice” girl. I had no passion to be with her. She did not activate anything inside of me. She did not even know how to see what I was capable of. I felt that I could have made her happy for a lot longer than our one week stint, but why, I knew she was not the one after a one week… I ended it… One of the “nicest” girls that I have ever dated was the first girl that I ever “broken up” with.
Now to the point, I am looking for a new job. On-Card is a really nice job, but I know that I am capable of bigger, more creative things. I know that I could make them happy for a long time, but I would be sacrificing too much of the talents that I know I am capable of. A “nice” job is something that I can no longer stomach. As soon as I find something else, I am going to “break up” with one of the “nicest” jobs I have ever had.
As fate would have it, Carrie was surfing last night and stumbled upon some really great jobs with design houses in the Lauderdale area… My resume is primed, my cover letter is almost there, and I am feeling like a million bucks… Let me at em’.
On a side note feel free to send letters or recommendation, encouragement and good wishes… Oh yeah, nude images (tastefully done) of yourself might help too.