It has been pretty cool having extra people around the house all of the time. There is usually something to do or someone to talk to to. Just the other day I was sitting on my couch thinking, “Wow, if you were to weigh my house right now, it would be really heavy.” My only problem is that people are either working, or to tired to chicken around with me. Most of the time I feel like a puppy that just got out of the bath. I can not control the crazy shit that flies out of my mouth.
I have been really inward thinking lately. I guess that I use Carrie as my sounding board most of the time, and we have not had much time for each other lately. Whenever I get in this mindset, I think I feel a bit over sensitive to everything. I find myself laughing at stupid shit, and almost balling at other equally stupid shit. When did I become such an emotional roller coaster you ask? I will tell you.
I believe it started in the second grade. Mrs. Carrier, who I had a crush on, reprimanded me for talking to my friend Jeremy Clayes during the afternoon phonics lesson. I had no idea that someone who I liked so much could make me feel so ashamed of myself. I was not the same for weeks afterward. I am pretty certain, although I do not remember for sure, that I cried on the long walk home from school that day. I do remember however, punching my pillow a few times when I got home. Why would a kid have such an emotional break down over something so trivial and stupid? I don’t know, but I knew that I did needed to have it at that moment in my life, and I could not control it… The really funny thing is that I remember the embarrassment that I felt for myself, not the hatred that I would assume a child would feel for her.
I think it might be that moment that I realized I have a really short emotional fuse. Throughout the years I have worked on (or been beaten into) not being a sissy at the drop of a hat. Although, I seem to have relapses on a weekly basis… Especially when I have company… Not bad, for a sissy like me.