I was noticing last night how much hair I have above the neck. Did you know that I am a giant hairy ape? I can indeed grow hair approximately half an inch from my eye on the front of my face… Why would the human male need to have this adaptation… Is this necessary?
The answer is yes… I will tell you the ancient fable of why Man needs all of this hair… A long time ago, in a far off land there lived a hairless species of Man, called “Baldy”. The “Baldy” were a kind and gentile group, who took care and understanding to a new level. While cleaning, talking about their feelings and giggling, they often took time out to ask each other, “do you like the shape of my head?”. When the retort, “it looks great… Especially the lump on the back,” was given in return, the “Baldy” would giggle joyfully and return to the sensitive work at hand.
One day a “Baldy” named Hoe Jagen asked, “do you like the shape of my head?” to another “Baldy” named Murdock. Upon hearing the question, Murcock stood motionless, pondering the question for approximately seven and a half minutes and said, “It’s bad, you look stupid… What are you going to do?”
Hoe thought long and hard about this jarring comment. He left the “Baldy” nation the next day. Feeling as if his world was coming down around him, he traveled north toward what we now call Spain. After several long and cold winters, Hoe’s hatred of the “Baldy” nation began to grow. Not in an evil “I want to kill you” way, but in an “I am sad and pissed” way. After all, he still had the “Baldy” bloodline flowing through his veins…
One day, while he was outside, going to the bathroom (#2) in a huge snowbank, he was cleaning his backside and felt something strange… What was this furry mess he had discovered on his rump?… We now know that this was the first sign of hair on the male body.
After Pangea split, Hoe would never see his “Baldy” brothers ever again. Indeed, the “Baldy” sensitivity soon left his soul in favor of a more cold and unresponsive approach. Due to the lack of people around him, Hoe learned to communicate only with himself and seldom with others. The longer the fur around his face and body got, the more combative he became.
The “Baldy” nation faded from the earth and out of our history books. Today it is scientific fact that Hoe is the basis for all living men and not only did his hair growth form the modern day man, but also the modern man’s hermit personality.
Day 7 of Potter madness continues. I am hoping that my obsessive nature has now started to diminish… I am guessing that there will be another relapse when I finish HBP again this weekend… I love it… I can’t wait fall back into the hole… To be lost in the world again…
Okay, I AM SICK, and freaking nuts. I ADMIT IT AGAIN… Hey “society,” how do you feel now?