Ever since the age of (approximately) 13, I have enjoyed looking at bikini clad women. As a matter of fact, I always thought, “there will never be a bathing suit small enough for a woman to wear.” Well, it seems that every time I go to the Fort Lauderdale beach this theory is shot to HELL. Just yesterday there were about three prime examples of this… Okay, you are thinking, “this bastard is picking on ‘fat’ girls”… Well, your wrong. Alright, two of them were a bit [insert P.C. term for “heavy set” here], but the third was in great shape…

Who are these girls? What has happened in their lives to make them dress like this in public? Is there a medical reason that they can not cover up just a little bit? Will tan lines literally KILL them? Are they allergic to fabric? Does fabric attract sharks? Have they declared a jihad against traditional swimsuits? Could they not find the NUDE beach? Do I sound like John Stossel (“give me a break”) right now?

So the first sign a man is getting old is when he starts to complain about the size of swim suits… I just don’t like the string up the butt… I hate it for the same reason that I hate the ULTRA high heals that women wear (the square toed boot, with extended toe)… It’s just not practical… I will tell you the truth, a proper fitting turtle neck sweater (with the right pattern) is more sexy than a sweaty chick in a thong smoking a cigarette on the beach… I just threw up a little in my mouth at the though of that.

Oh yeah guys, this goes for you too. I can’t count how many times I have seen some sweaty, [insert P.C. term for “heavy set” here], hairy dudes ass at the beach. WTF… How can they play volleyball in that?


If you have not signed up for the national do not call list, you should. Rumor has it that telemarketers are going to be able to solicit cell phones soon. I did it this morning and it is really easy to do.Click here.

  1. car
    Aug 23, 2005

    so I should return the sting bikini that I bought in Sweden?

  2. Joe
    Aug 23, 2005